Obama to visit Quebec, 58th state on his nationwide tour.

September 6th, 2008 | Story # 003

Barack Hussein Obama II, Savior of all mankind

 

Montreal, Quebec – Today in Montreal preperations were being made to welcome Senator and Presidential Candidate Barack Obama. A large Greco-Roman Temple is being constructed inside the Olympic Stadium, as pastors and priests warn their fellowships about the cult of Obamaism, trying to hold on to what few members they have left.

 

Obama, after returning from Jerusalem, a city near where he was born in a manger, decided to tour the entire United States. Recently in Oregon, Obama stated that he was near to accomplishing his goal. ”I have now been in 57 states, I think one left to go.” Obama later clarified that the one state he had missed, “Alaska and Hawaii,” could not be justified by his staff.

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Alaska State Representatives argued that Alaska, home of Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin, is a seperate state. They claim that Alaska is #49 out of 50 states. Democrats were quick to fight back on this rediculous statement. “This is typical Conservative Spin,” answered an unnamed Obama / Biden Campaign representative, “why don’t they talk about the struggles of the poor; answer me that.”

 

Barack Obama’s devout and loyal followers have been congregating in mass around the country to hear their prophet speak. Middle-Class Americans in Alaska though have not. Instead they have been “clinging to their guns and religion.” Alaskan’s are believed to heavily favor McCain for president. Scholars speculate that this is because they do not have electricity to see all of the rediculous pro-Obama news coverage from the liberal media.

 

Obama also boasted of his experience, defying those nasty elitest Republicans who believe that he lacks what it takes to be president. “I was a Community Organizer” said Obama defiantly, “That means I Organized shit and was in charge dumb ass.”

 

He also talked about his record as a Senator. “I voted “Present” 129 times in the State Senate. That means that when tough decisions were being made, when laws were being created with serious implications for everyone, and when a women’s right to chose were being weighed against an infant childs right to survive, I was there. I had the courage to be there and although I did not vote yes or no, No Person can say I was not present.”

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Barack Obama speaking in Oregon about his Nationwide Tour

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Regardless of your feelings towards his policies, there is no doubt that this amazing nationwide tour, visiting more states than stars on the flag, is going to be a big attention getter for the Obama campaign.

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Look to the Leek for more information as this story develops.

 

Sarah Palin Pregnant by Moose, Keeping the Child

September, 5th 2008 | Story number 001

This moose could be the father

Wasilla, AK - Reporters are flocking to this sleepy Alaska town today, as America is suprised yet again. Sarah Palin, Republican VP Candidate, outdoorswoman, and nature lover appears to be pregnant with her sixth “child”.

Locals say that she was hunting alone while her husband was working on the North Slope Oil Project when the alleged interlude took place. ”I always knew Sarah would get into trouble out in those woods all alone,” said Jager Petersson, from his cabin on some lake somewhere, “I mean with her naughty librarian looks and that moose’s take her on the tundra attitude it was just a matter of time.”

Even in Alaska, where moose out number humans three to one, Moose and Human relationships are rare and nearly unheard of. Then again when has Sarah ever gone the normal route. She was the youngest person and the first woman to become Alaska’s Governor. She shocked the country when she was selected as John McCain’s running mate, and now she will become the first major political figure to give birth to a half human half moose freak baby.

Sarah Palin is fiercely Pro-Life, having already chosen to keep one special needs child. There is no doubt among the parishioners at her non-denominational, Bible thumping church, that she will keep the child as well.

Although many in the democratic party and Barack Obama’s campaign are not suprised, it appears that this latest challenge is only strengthening her appeal to the base. Leroy Jenkins, a self loathing black republican, summed up the views around here nicely, “I don’t care if the moose raped her or if she was just so drunk on power she thought it was Todd, I am still voting for Sarah Palin. That other guy is darker than winter in Fairbanks and I just don’t think people like him are ready to lead.”

Look to The Leek for further updates as this story develops.