September 5th, 2008 | Story Number 002
Wichita, Kansas – Wichita West High School freshman Gary Gorbeh says that he has finally found the secret to happiness… kind of. Young Gary has finally found acceptance after declaring to his classmates that he was gay.
“I am gay, like super gay, I like men, really,” said Gary at a lunch table filled with attractive young girls who now actually talk to the slightly pudgy zit faced youngster. Before coming out of the closet Gary was far less succesful with women. He had never been kissed, had never had a girlfriend, and had spent most of his weekends at home in his bedroom alone.
After declaring his alternative sexuality though, things changed dramatically. Now all of the most attractive girls at school have started calling him frequently. They want to spend time shopping with him, doing pedicures together, and say that it is great to have a guy they can talk to without worrying that he is trying to get into their pants.
Jessica Johanson, cheerleading captain for the Pioneers, says ”Gary is like totally cool, when I want to know what a guy might think about my new thongs I ask Gary. He will be honest and I don’t have to worry he is checking me out.”
“It feels good finally talking to all the cute girls,” said Gary, “when they invited me to that rainbow party to “Prove” my gayness… it just kinda sucked… literally.”
Gary has yet to figure out how to parlay his new found popularity into a girlfriend, but he thinks he will, “say he just wonders what a girl is like,” or some crap like that.
Look to The Leek for further updates as this story develops.
Tags: comedy, drama, Funny, gay, high school, homosexuality, Humor, kansas, life, local, News, Satire, wichita, wichita kansas
