Midget gets shorted at Big and Tall Store.

September 12th, 2008 | Story # 004

Walla Walla, WA – Chester McFeeley walked into Johnson’s Big and Tall yesterday evening, but when he left he his dignity was gone. Chester is a little person, commonly refered to as a midget, and was shopping that day for a gift for a coworker’s birthday. “Jim is a tall guy,” said McFeeley, “I wanted to get him a new tie because he wears that red one all the time.”

When Chester brought the tie up to the register the cashier told him that the total was $21.72 so Mr. McFeeley gave the girl at the register two $20 bills. That is when it all started to go downhill. The cashier gave Chester $8.28 as change when he was due $18.28. Chester noticed the error immediately and informed the cashier that he thought that she had accedentally shorted him. “When that midget guy said I shorted him I just could not contain myself,” said Inger, the tall Swedish college girl that worked the register on Thursdays.

She started laughing histarically saying “I shorted him, HEY EVERYONE, he says I shorted him.” Then the contagious laughter spread as employees and customers alike joined in on the mockery. By the time it was all over Chester felt like he was 2 feet tall, which was not far off of his 3’4″ stature.

“I am never going in there again,” said Chester when asked if he thought that the free pass to the amusement park given to him by the store manager would do anything to change his mind about the store. “I can’t even ride on the rides there, its like they wanted to humiliate me further. I hate them.”

Look to the Leek for more updates as this story develops.

Remember that the Leek  is your source for information on the presidential race, with updates and reports on John McCain, Sarah Palin, Barack Hussien Obama, and that old white dude.

Obama to visit Quebec, 58th state on his nationwide tour.

September 6th, 2008 | Story # 003

Barack Hussein Obama II, Savior of all mankind

 

Montreal, Quebec – Today in Montreal preperations were being made to welcome Senator and Presidential Candidate Barack Obama. A large Greco-Roman Temple is being constructed inside the Olympic Stadium, as pastors and priests warn their fellowships about the cult of Obamaism, trying to hold on to what few members they have left.

 

Obama, after returning from Jerusalem, a city near where he was born in a manger, decided to tour the entire United States. Recently in Oregon, Obama stated that he was near to accomplishing his goal. ”I have now been in 57 states, I think one left to go.” Obama later clarified that the one state he had missed, “Alaska and Hawaii,” could not be justified by his staff.

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Alaska State Representatives argued that Alaska, home of Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin, is a seperate state. They claim that Alaska is #49 out of 50 states. Democrats were quick to fight back on this rediculous statement. “This is typical Conservative Spin,” answered an unnamed Obama / Biden Campaign representative, “why don’t they talk about the struggles of the poor; answer me that.”

 

Barack Obama’s devout and loyal followers have been congregating in mass around the country to hear their prophet speak. Middle-Class Americans in Alaska though have not. Instead they have been “clinging to their guns and religion.” Alaskan’s are believed to heavily favor McCain for president. Scholars speculate that this is because they do not have electricity to see all of the rediculous pro-Obama news coverage from the liberal media.

 

Obama also boasted of his experience, defying those nasty elitest Republicans who believe that he lacks what it takes to be president. “I was a Community Organizer” said Obama defiantly, “That means I Organized shit and was in charge dumb ass.”

 

He also talked about his record as a Senator. “I voted “Present” 129 times in the State Senate. That means that when tough decisions were being made, when laws were being created with serious implications for everyone, and when a women’s right to chose were being weighed against an infant childs right to survive, I was there. I had the courage to be there and although I did not vote yes or no, No Person can say I was not present.”

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Barack Obama speaking in Oregon about his Nationwide Tour

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Regardless of your feelings towards his policies, there is no doubt that this amazing nationwide tour, visiting more states than stars on the flag, is going to be a big attention getter for the Obama campaign.

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Look to the Leek for more information as this story develops.

 

15 Year Old Highschool Student claims Homosexuality to meet girls.

September 5th, 2008 | Story Number 002

Wichita, Kansas – Wichita West High School freshman Gary Gorbeh says that he has finally found the secret to happiness… kind of. Young Gary has finally found acceptance after declaring to his classmates that he was gay.

“I am gay, like super gay, I like men, really,” said Gary at a lunch table filled with attractive young girls who now actually talk to the slightly pudgy zit faced youngster. Before coming out of the closet Gary was far less succesful with women. He had never been kissed, had never had a girlfriend, and had spent most of his weekends at home in his bedroom alone.

After declaring his alternative sexuality though, things changed dramatically. Now all of the most attractive girls at school have started calling him frequently. They want to spend time shopping with him, doing pedicures together, and say that it is great to have a guy they can talk to without worrying that he is trying to get into their pants.

Jessica Johanson, cheerleading captain for the Pioneers, says ”Gary is like totally cool, when I want to know what a guy might think about my new thongs I ask Gary. He will be honest and I don’t have to worry he is checking me out.”

“It feels good finally talking to all the cute girls,” said Gary, “when they invited me to that rainbow party to “Prove” my gayness… it just kinda sucked… literally.”

Gary has yet to figure out how to parlay his new found popularity into a girlfriend, but he thinks he will, “say he just wonders what a girl is like,” or some crap like that.

Look to The Leek for further updates as this story develops.

Sarah Palin Pregnant by Moose, Keeping the Child

September, 5th 2008 | Story number 001

This moose could be the father

Wasilla, AK - Reporters are flocking to this sleepy Alaska town today, as America is suprised yet again. Sarah Palin, Republican VP Candidate, outdoorswoman, and nature lover appears to be pregnant with her sixth “child”.

Locals say that she was hunting alone while her husband was working on the North Slope Oil Project when the alleged interlude took place. ”I always knew Sarah would get into trouble out in those woods all alone,” said Jager Petersson, from his cabin on some lake somewhere, “I mean with her naughty librarian looks and that moose’s take her on the tundra attitude it was just a matter of time.”

Even in Alaska, where moose out number humans three to one, Moose and Human relationships are rare and nearly unheard of. Then again when has Sarah ever gone the normal route. She was the youngest person and the first woman to become Alaska’s Governor. She shocked the country when she was selected as John McCain’s running mate, and now she will become the first major political figure to give birth to a half human half moose freak baby.

Sarah Palin is fiercely Pro-Life, having already chosen to keep one special needs child. There is no doubt among the parishioners at her non-denominational, Bible thumping church, that she will keep the child as well.

Although many in the democratic party and Barack Obama’s campaign are not suprised, it appears that this latest challenge is only strengthening her appeal to the base. Leroy Jenkins, a self loathing black republican, summed up the views around here nicely, “I don’t care if the moose raped her or if she was just so drunk on power she thought it was Todd, I am still voting for Sarah Palin. That other guy is darker than winter in Fairbanks and I just don’t think people like him are ready to lead.”

Look to The Leek for further updates as this story develops.